I wrote this post in December 2020. I guess I was just not ready to share it yet so had not published it.
PIVOT
Here at the Winn home we have tried our best to pivot our way of being and embrace the ‘what is’ during this time of uncertainty with the COVID pandemic. To be sure the current state of living is new and uncharted territory. But in other ways ‘this is not our first rodeo.’ When our daughter Emily was critically ill after the H1N1 flu we were grounded and isolated in a way I could never have imagined. Many, many months were spent with a hospital suitcase packed outside our bedroom door in case we would need to head down to the Children’s Hospital ICU quickly, yet again. Many, many hours were spent monitoring her fever (at the onset of her illness sometimes rising to 105) from the extreme inflammation caused by the autoinflammatory juvenile arthritis condition that had been triggered. Eventually we leveled off into a chronic disease management state of being and we were able to re-enter local life and community, albeit with a new and heightened awareness of the preciousness and unpredictability of life. Day by day life returned to ‘new normal’ and Emily thrived and healed and reached remission after several years.
More recently we experienced a similar although thankfully less-duration-in-time experience with our daughter Anna when she went through norovirus which seemed to trigger an acute flare of gastroparesis or paralyzed stomach. During that journey of several intense months there were a few weeks when the doctors also suspected a brain tumor (an MRI ruled that out). Again, thankfully things leveled off with medications and time and Anna has also reached remission and is now thriving on her health and life journey.
Finally, this writing of dealing with life changing events and adjusting to new normal would not be complete without mentioning the quick and traumatic events surrounding the fairly recent deaths of both of my parents within a short 13-month timeframe. My father Ray suffered from a head injury after a fall and subsequently spent 4 days ventilated in the ICU before we lovingly said goodbye. This was followed by my mother Karleen suffering a hemorrhagic stroke 13 months later, followed by a day ventilated in the ICU. We lovingly said goodbye to her as well and were with her as she transitioned to join Dad in the next way of being.
My point in sharing this post is to say: embrace. Embrace this day. No matter how difficult. Pivot how you need to. Be flexible. Find comfort in friends and family. Seek the hope for a better day. Perhaps find some positivity in the opportunities for personal growth and relationships created by the realities you would rather not find yourself in.
For me, technology has been a Godsend in all the above-mentioned circumstances. I have been able to reach out and connect with loved ones and new groups experiencing similar situations. Both these communities have been healing to me on the journeys I have walked. Today, technology is offering new opportunities to grow in areas that have been on hold for me over the years, namely my interest in acting and theatre. As a young woman I worked part-time as a Voice Over and On Camera actress for short periods while living in the Los Angeles and Minneapolis areas. Not many people in my current life are aware of that aspect of my life journey! When moving to Colorado in 1998 I had intended on taking some Adult Education classes at the Denver Performing Arts Center to possibly resume activities in those areas. But the distance between Fort Collins and Denver, and the responsibilities, joys and challenges of raising our girls made taking in-person classes unrealistic. But - this month I am starting back on that journey though Zoom classes offered through DPAC! I am looking forward to connecting with other folks with these interests and in general am feeling very optimistic about stepping out and continuing to learn and grow on my journey.
What I have learned in these past 5 months of 2020, since we abruptly brought our college daughter home from her dorm life to start virtual classes and helped our high school daughter accept the evolving remote nature of her classes is that life moves forward. One day this way of being will be a memory, just like our family’s hardship days of experiencing medical trauma are memories that no longer take up every thought space in my brain. We will always have those experiences with us; our journeys permanently mark who we are and can change who we want to become. Overall, the one thing I know is that things will change again. Life continues to move forward, no matter what is happening within and around it.
Cheers to embracing these days for what is, doing our best to thrive and grow within the current situation, and lending our hearts and hands to bettering today - with a strong hope for a little easier and smoother tomorrow. Sending my best to you in these times. ~Rosann
© Rosann Winn, 2020